Oversensitive or insensitive

When someone who is really skinny repeatedly says they are fat in a joking way are they being insensitive or is it me that is being oversensitive?

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A few weeks ago I was away on holidays with a big group of my closest friends. One of them has recently lost a whole heap of weight, maybe 20 kgs or so (44 lbs). She is really proud of herself and I am happy for her.

What I have been struggling with lately is the quantity of social media posts and verbal comments about weight. So many posts show poses wearing old clothes that are now too big, or selfies wearing a bikini, or scales, or food shots. It is never ending. Initially it didn’t bother me, I am happy for my friend. As much as I know that she ate consistently, and worked hard to eat in a way that allowed her to lose weight, we have been friends a long time. And there are times where I saw her lose weight quickly. Me on the other hand, I’ve always struggled with my weight. It’s hard seeing someone do it so effortlessly, although I know I am only seeing it from my point of view.

So all the social media posts, and verbal comments that ‘I’m so fat’ as soon as she eats one meal that’s unhealthy are really starting to get to me. If I was following a celeb on instagram and all they posted about was weight I would quickly unfollow them. I responded to a recent ‘I’m fat’ comment with a ‘you’re not fat’ reply, and I was told that I was being negative because the comment was a joke.

I knew she was joking, but when someone who is really skinny repeatedly says they are fat in a joking way are they being insensitive or is it me that is being oversensitive?

Related articles:

Most of this article resonates with me, except for the environment section: https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/communication-success/201711/24-signs-highly-sensitive-person

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/neuroscience-in-everyday-life/201707/are-you-highly-sensitive-person-should-you-change

https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/highly-sensitive-people-signs-habits_n_4810794

 

 

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My thoughts are controlling me

I’ve been having a problem with negative thoughts lately. I’m not sure what’s going on but they seem to be taking over my mind a lot more than usual. I am not the most positive person, I can be at times, but the thoughts can really brew in my mind and turn over and over until they are so distorted I don’t know what’s real or what my mind has made me see.

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I wish I could be happy, truly happy. Especially when I am around other people. But often that is the time when my thoughts come up the most. Every time I say or do something I analyse every interaction to try to find something negative in what I have said. Like I am trying to hide my inner self and I just put on a happy face to try to fool people. I can feel myself searching for something negative emanating from another person either in their actions or the words in reaction to me.

I want to see the best in people. But the people I know the most, I seem to see more negative things in them. I try not to.

Why is it the people closest to us are the ones that we are harshest on?

This is my first blog post in months. I know I am lucky to even have one person read it, but it doesn’t matter. The process of writing seems to help me deal with troublesome thoughts.

I feel like such an imposter at times. I don’t let the true me out. But I still don’t know who the true me is. Even though I should at my age. I want to be around people but when I am I am not happy. If I am alone too much I am also not happy. I don’t often get invited to do things with other people, but I get sick of being the person who often initiates catch ups with others.

I am sick of the falseness of social media. But I can feel myself playing into that and posting happy selfies and pretty scenery. Fake. Fake Fake.

I am sick of the posts people often share that they will be there for their friends if they are struggling with mental illness or depression or anxiety. But these people never put out a message to see how I am doing. But it’s not like I reach out to them either.

This post makes me sound really depressed. I am feeling a bit depressed today, but usually I am not this bad. Letting some of it out and seeing it written makes it seem real. Which helps me let it go.

 

 

 

The last couple of weeks in dot points

  • Feeling positive, feeling negative, repeat
  • Good mood, sad mood, repeat
  • Two binges and generally I haven’t been eating healthy
  • Work stress isn’t helping
  • Finally feeling like I’m on top of things in the last couple of days
  • Trying to do more meal preparation (usually I prepare lunch for the next day, this week I have prepped a few days worth of food)
  • Today I’m feeling good. I’m feeling less stressed. I slept well last night, which helps my eating in such a big way.

Will try for another update soon when not so busy

xx

Motivation!

Motivation is an interesting thing. My motivation is cyclical. It doesn’t matter what I am motivated about, it comes in waves: starting strong, keeping steady, and then eventually dropping off. When it’s work related I get through the slumps and make up for them when my motivation starts to peak. Sometimes I wish I could be more consistent, but usually there are external factors that spark up my motivation such as deadlines or events.

My motivation in relation to my health and struggle against binge eating is the same.

I just did some reading about the cyclical nature of motivation.

Motivation = driving state > behaviour aroused > behaviour directed towards goal.

This is an interesting theory: homeostasis, which explains the “stability of inner environment”. So when our “internal state” is not right, it motivates us to do something to fix it, once it is fixed we return to homeostasis.

I guess if I were to apply this thinking to how I have approached dieting or trying to lose weight in the past it would be:

Driving state:

I am not happy with my weight  (internal environment unstable)

Behaviour:

Dieting and exercise  (internal environment becoming stable)

Behaviour towards goal:

Dieting and exercise to lose weight (internal environment becoming even more stable)

So, even if I haven’t reached my weight loss goal my internal environment becomes more stable because I feel like I am doing something to reach my goal. Therefore I lose motivation because I am in “homeostasis”.

What is the solution?  Is there one?

Maybe the goal is too far away and my efforts need to be so long term that I eventually lose sight of the goal.

So, lesson here, make the goal:

  1. Not about weight loss because like I’ve shared previously that’s tough for me
  2. More about health and wellness and something I can control

This is easier said than done because even though when I write this blog I always say my current focus is on being healthy and getting past binge eating (which I am, I’ve been doing pretty well with it) I still weigh myself everyday and am disappointed!

I totally need to stop weighing myself, at least on a daily basis!

In my motivation research, here are some good tips for staying motivated:

1. Shift your vibe

Get rid of the negative self-talk by recognising it and squashing it! Replace it with something positive.

2. Stick with it

Recongise that motivation is cyclical and come back to it. Don’t give up!

3. Immerse yourself

Eat, sleep and breathe your goal.

4. Start small

Keep goals small and achievable.

PS – if you are reading this because your motivation is lacking, stick with it! You’ll get there!

References:

http://www.preservearticles.com/201104195558/facts-about-motivation.html

http://www.vibeshifting.com/surviving-the-slump-how-to-stay-motivated/