The dysfunction of social media

I’ve been thinking lately about how social media is dysfunctional. I know that we all know that, and I’m not thinking about dysfunction in the broader sense, as in the pretense of it all. No, I’m thinking more on the micro level. The nuances between friends. Those little thoughts that cross your minds before you hit like. Or maybe it’s only me.

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I have some friends who are generous with their likes and comments and in turn I am generous with my likes and comments. I like the bulk of their posts. Mostly. When I see them anyway. But my point is that nothing crosses my mind before I like a post other than whether I actually like or appreciate the post in some way.

Other friends however….and I mean the complicated friendships. We all have those. Well women do anyway. The ones where you seem to like their posts, but they never ever ever like yours. And you know they are on social media. They post, they are there. There are so many watchers. And no this is not a blog about the different types of social media users.

I guess my point is that social media for me has created a loud speaker for those dysfunctional friendships. Without social media those dysfunctional friendships would be so different. It’s hard to imagine what they would be like. But I imagine ‘like hesitation’ would be replaced by awkwardness over the phone or in person.

Second thinking over an event invitation would be replaced by forced honesty. In the real world when we send invites and ask for an RSVP there is no maybe or interested option. Be a grown up and decide.

The chronic event responder (we all have a friend like that…the one that is interested in way too many events that are humanly possible to even attend) would be replaced by the gig guide clipper. Now it feels like the nineties.gig_guide.jpg

I guess I’m feeling like social media has added a complication to some of my friendships that I am trying to let go of.

Life is too short for complications and ‘like hesitation’.

Like, love, share.

I do love social media, it makes me feel closer to some friends but it can make me very aware of barriers with others.

Here is an old buzz feed video that made me giggle. I know I know, Buzzfeed is so 2013!

Looking back is funny (but not ha ha funny)

Hello again.

In my first few posts I posted a journal entry from about a year and a half ago. I’m going to continue along that thread and post one from the 19 June 2012.

It’s really bizarre to read back on this entry. I can’t believe I was even considering alcohol as a binge pause button!? Crazy stuff. I might have done that a few times last year, but it was really no more than that. Not a good idea.

In my previous post I said that I couldn’t keep a food diary because it increases my focus on food, and I already obsess about it way too much.

Reading back on this last journal entry it seems like journaling was kind of doing the same thing.

I don’t ever remember binging every day (more than the occasional time anyway) so it’s odd to think I had being doing it every day while I was writing in my journal. So much of the literature out there advises that writing a journal is a good idea for anyone with the slightest inkling of an eating disorder. But it doesn’t really work for me. I eventually stopped with the journal writing.

I wonder if blogging will do the same thing?

I feel like I’m in quite a different head space to back then, I’m much more focused, hopeful and optimistic so I will forge ahead with my blogging (for now anyway).

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11.30pm

I had my exam today, I was pretty stressed and didn’t realise how much until I finished. Thank god that is over. My food intake earlier in the day was good, all the way until lunch anyway. On my way to the exam I bought myself a chocolate bar. The sensible part of me, keeping in mind the stuff I’ve been reading says that one chocolate bar in moderation is okay. If I don’t have any of the food I like I’ll be more likely to buy it in bulk and binge. But the non-sensible part of me is guilty and I feel like I’m cheating on a diet.

I’ve been reading Stephanie’s tips for preventing binges. The first tip is to create a no-fail environment, and find your pause button. Towards the end of today, after I got home, I started snacking and couldn’t stop. I didn’t have much junk food in the house and I never considered going and buying some, although I often would have in the past. But I went through the pantry and fridge opening this and that, even when I knew I wasn’t hungry. I guess the positive things are that I didn’t stuff myself stupid so I’m not uncomfortably full, I just feel like I’ve had a meal. When I wanted to stop I had an alcoholic drink, Frangelico my favourite. I know that is probably a bad habit to get into, replacing food for alcohol. But while I’m having it I don’t want anything else, and providing I just have one it can’t be too bad. After I had it I went and finished off the packed of crackers I opened. They were the light wafer kind, it’s kind of like eating card board, and they are not heavy at all which is why I don’t feel like I’ve binged. But the fact that I didn’t need them indicates that it was a binge.

So my pause button, could alcohol be my pause button for now? Maybe until I find a better one. I’ve been thinking about not being so hard on myself, I can be really hard on myself and make myself quite miserable after I’ve had a binge. I feel like the guilt and shame is so over powering that it’s all I can think of. I regret binging today, and I feel some guilt and shame but the extent is not as bad.

I don’t have binges on consecutive days yet I have since I’ve been writing this journal. I wonder if because so much of my focus is on eating that I keep on thinking of binging and it’s going to turn into a vicious cycle. Could that happen? Surely brushing things under the carpet is worse.