Oversensitive or insensitive

When someone who is really skinny repeatedly says they are fat in a joking way are they being insensitive or is it me that is being oversensitive?

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A few weeks ago I was away on holidays with a big group of my closest friends. One of them has recently lost a whole heap of weight, maybe 20 kgs or so (44 lbs). She is really proud of herself and I am happy for her.

What I have been struggling with lately is the quantity of social media posts and verbal comments about weight. So many posts show poses wearing old clothes that are now too big, or selfies wearing a bikini, or scales, or food shots. It is never ending. Initially it didn’t bother me, I am happy for my friend. As much as I know that she ate consistently, and worked hard to eat in a way that allowed her to lose weight, we have been friends a long time. And there are times where I saw her lose weight quickly. Me on the other hand, I’ve always struggled with my weight. It’s hard seeing someone do it so effortlessly, although I know I am only seeing it from my point of view.

So all the social media posts, and verbal comments that ‘I’m so fat’ as soon as she eats one meal that’s unhealthy are really starting to get to me. If I was following a celeb on instagram and all they posted about was weight I would quickly unfollow them. I responded to a recent ‘I’m fat’ comment with a ‘you’re not fat’ reply, and I was told that I was being negative because the comment was a joke.

I knew she was joking, but when someone who is really skinny repeatedly says they are fat in a joking way are they being insensitive or is it me that is being oversensitive?

Related articles:

Most of this article resonates with me, except for the environment section: https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/communication-success/201711/24-signs-highly-sensitive-person

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/neuroscience-in-everyday-life/201707/are-you-highly-sensitive-person-should-you-change

https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/highly-sensitive-people-signs-habits_n_4810794

 

 

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My thoughts are controlling me

I’ve been having a problem with negative thoughts lately. I’m not sure what’s going on but they seem to be taking over my mind a lot more than usual. I am not the most positive person, I can be at times, but the thoughts can really brew in my mind and turn over and over until they are so distorted I don’t know what’s real or what my mind has made me see.

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I wish I could be happy, truly happy. Especially when I am around other people. But often that is the time when my thoughts come up the most. Every time I say or do something I analyse every interaction to try to find something negative in what I have said. Like I am trying to hide my inner self and I just put on a happy face to try to fool people. I can feel myself searching for something negative emanating from another person either in their actions or the words in reaction to me.

I want to see the best in people. But the people I know the most, I seem to see more negative things in them. I try not to.

Why is it the people closest to us are the ones that we are harshest on?

This is my first blog post in months. I know I am lucky to even have one person read it, but it doesn’t matter. The process of writing seems to help me deal with troublesome thoughts.

I feel like such an imposter at times. I don’t let the true me out. But I still don’t know who the true me is. Even though I should at my age. I want to be around people but when I am I am not happy. If I am alone too much I am also not happy. I don’t often get invited to do things with other people, but I get sick of being the person who often initiates catch ups with others.

I am sick of the falseness of social media. But I can feel myself playing into that and posting happy selfies and pretty scenery. Fake. Fake Fake.

I am sick of the posts people often share that they will be there for their friends if they are struggling with mental illness or depression or anxiety. But these people never put out a message to see how I am doing. But it’s not like I reach out to them either.

This post makes me sound really depressed. I am feeling a bit depressed today, but usually I am not this bad. Letting some of it out and seeing it written makes it seem real. Which helps me let it go.

 

 

 

Why is integrity undervalued?

I deal with people everyday. In my personal and professional life. Like everyone I guess.

In the last few months integrity has crossed my mind numerous times. It still completely and utterly astounds me when I come across people with a low moral compass. People who don’t choose to do the right thing. I understand sometimes that choice is difficult, but what about when it is an easy choice? Or what about when the outcome wouldn’t change, regardless of whether you are doing the right thing?

One situation comes to mind in my workplace where someone in a senior position treated me badly. The way they treated me, did not change the outcome. In fact, it had absolutely no impact on the outcome. However, they truly showed their true colours by treating me badly. Their treatment could be seen as subjective and you could say that in their eyes their actions were fine. I really don’t see it like that. That person choose to make things tough for me, they used intimidation and pressure.

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In another situation (one that I wasn’t involved in) and not in the working environment, a person treated someone I know badly. They used intimidation to come out ahead financially. Their tactics didn’t work, but the effort was there to ‘one up’ another person for a financial benefit.

It’s no use getting frustrated about things that are entirely outside of your control. But man, is it frustrating to be forced to deal with someone who doesn’t have good integrity.

I value people who have good integrity, even when the situation is uncomfortable and there is pressure or temptation to do the wrong thing.

I wish integrity came up in conversation more often.

We should talk more about the value of having a good character and good morals, and talk less about superficial things.

I’m going to try.

The dysfunction of social media

I’ve been thinking lately about how social media is dysfunctional. I know that we all know that, and I’m not thinking about dysfunction in the broader sense, as in the pretense of it all. No, I’m thinking more on the micro level. The nuances between friends. Those little thoughts that cross your minds before you hit like. Or maybe it’s only me.

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I have some friends who are generous with their likes and comments and in turn I am generous with my likes and comments. I like the bulk of their posts. Mostly. When I see them anyway. But my point is that nothing crosses my mind before I like a post other than whether I actually like or appreciate the post in some way.

Other friends however….and I mean the complicated friendships. We all have those. Well women do anyway. The ones where you seem to like their posts, but they never ever ever like yours. And you know they are on social media. They post, they are there. There are so many watchers. And no this is not a blog about the different types of social media users.

I guess my point is that social media for me has created a loud speaker for those dysfunctional friendships. Without social media those dysfunctional friendships would be so different. It’s hard to imagine what they would be like. But I imagine ‘like hesitation’ would be replaced by awkwardness over the phone or in person.

Second thinking over an event invitation would be replaced by forced honesty. In the real world when we send invites and ask for an RSVP there is no maybe or interested option. Be a grown up and decide.

The chronic event responder (we all have a friend like that…the one that is interested in way too many events that are humanly possible to even attend) would be replaced by the gig guide clipper. Now it feels like the nineties.gig_guide.jpg

I guess I’m feeling like social media has added a complication to some of my friendships that I am trying to let go of.

Life is too short for complications and ‘like hesitation’.

Like, love, share.

I do love social media, it makes me feel closer to some friends but it can make me very aware of barriers with others.

Here is an old buzz feed video that made me giggle. I know I know, Buzzfeed is so 2013!