Today was an okay day. Work was okay. My food intake was pretty good. But I felt down and that led me to feel a bit negative. I don’t know what I felt like that today, but it got me thinking about negative thoughts.
I guess partially this has been put in my head by the Quit Binge Eating podcasts I’ve been listening to. I think it resonates with me a little bit. Maybe it’s because I binge eat? Maybe it’s just human nature to have negative thoughts once in a while? I don’t know.
I’m generally a pretty positive and happy person. When I have my negative or ‘feeling down’ moments they are not overwhelming. I am not depressed, but that’s not what I’m talking about anyway.
It’s those little voices in your head. Today my motivation at work was awful – it took me ages to get through tasks that should have only taken a couple of hours. Usually if I can’t get something done or my motivation is lacking, I drop it and go back to it later. But today I wasn’t motivated to do that. I kept working on the same thing really slowly.
With binge eating when those negative thoughts start they would usually lead me to the fridge or the cupboard. When I got back from work that’s the first thing I did. I stared into the fridge looking for something even though I wasn’t particularly hungry. So I took a breath, shut the fridge and went for a walk. My head is a bit clearer and I feel a bit better, but those nagging thoughts are still there.
It’s hard to describe what I mean by my ‘negative thoughts’. It is not an actual voice that is negative. It is non-specific. It’s just this general feeling of ‘I can’t be bothered’, ‘what’s the point’ or ‘who cares’. I feel good that I was able to get some clarity and not just dive into the fridge. I’ve had moments where I just get home from work and maybe have a glass of wine and eat (whether I binge or not) and my evening is a write-off.
Writing this blog helps too, even though today I feel like I’m a bit all over the place.
So in this blog and in the Brain over Binge book they talk about neural pathways in our brains that lead us to act or think like we have in the past. These neural pathways have been used so much they have a path beaten into them. It’s not that we’re forced to use the path; it’s just what comes natural. I guess it’s like forming new habits. It takes time and for a while it seems unnatural, but eventually it happens if you keep at it.
I’ve been thinking about my negative thoughts and binge eating thoughts with this mind frame. The thoughts are there, but I don’t need to let them take over or affect me.
I decide what is good for me, what I do, how I feel and what I put in my mouth. Even typing that makes me feel better.