Why is integrity undervalued?

I deal with people everyday. In my personal and professional life. Like everyone I guess.

In the last few months integrity has crossed my mind numerous times. It still completely and utterly astounds me when I come across people with a low moral compass. People who don’t choose to do the right thing. I understand sometimes that choice is difficult, but what about when it is an easy choice? Or what about when the outcome wouldn’t change, regardless of whether you are doing the right thing?

One situation comes to mind in my workplace where someone in a senior position treated me badly. The way they treated me, did not change the outcome. In fact, it had absolutely no impact on the outcome. However, they truly showed their true colours by treating me badly. Their treatment could be seen as subjective and you could say that in their eyes their actions were fine. I really don’t see it like that. That person choose to make things tough for me, they used intimidation and pressure.

Integrity-is-doing-the-right-thing-when-no-one-is-watching..jpg

In another situation (one that I wasn’t involved in) and not in the working environment, a person treated someone I know badly. They used intimidation to come out ahead financially. Their tactics didn’t work, but the effort was there to ‘one up’ another person for a financial benefit.

It’s no use getting frustrated about things that are entirely outside of your control. But man, is it frustrating to be forced to deal with someone who doesn’t have good integrity.

I value people who have good integrity, even when the situation is uncomfortable and there is pressure or temptation to do the wrong thing.

I wish integrity came up in conversation more often.

We should talk more about the value of having a good character and good morals, and talk less about superficial things.

I’m going to try.

Advertisements

Does my mood affect my eating or does my eating affect my mood?

I’ve been feeling really good this last week or so.

Exercising regularly, eating well without crazy restriction and very minimal sugar. Whenever I’m on the high road I always wonder how long it is going to last. Work has been going really well, compared to my last job from a few months ago it is awesome.

I am also just in a really good mood. All the time. Which is great, but how long will it last?

giphy.gif

I know this isn’t going to last and I’ve previously posted, I think, about maintaining all these positive things when things stop going well.

I don’t even know how to break down or identify when things start to go down, or even why.

Sometimes I think it’s because I stop exercising, which affects my endorphins which affects my sleep and it starts the downward cycle.

Other times I think it has something to do with my eating. Either eating a lot of processed food or sugar that affects my mood, or maybe it’s more biological than that and affects my gut. I’ve read about the link between gut health and depression. Not that I’m depressed but there is clearly a link there and I wish I knew what came first.

Does my mood affect my eating or does my eating affect my mood?

In all likelihood it is both.

So continuing this path of acceptance and self-love that I talked about in my previous post, I guess all I can do is recognise that I will go up and down. Things are never always going to be great and accepting that is a good thing. I’ve struggled a lot with quite extreme black and white thinking in the past and it’s a tough thought pattern to break.

Onward and upward xx

 

All you need is…

I need to lose weight.

I hate saying that but if I am completely honest with myself it is true.

It feels uncomfortable saying that for so many reasons.

A big reason is that I have spent so much of my adult life beating myself up over everything and body image is huge for me. I have struggled with binge eating which started because of an isolated traumatic experience and a habit formed that I couldn’t let go. It was compounded further by feelings of inadequacy, striving for perfectionism and black and white thinking.

Saying that I need to lose weight also feels uncomfortable because I am so very very supportive of the body positive movement. I am very aware of the pressure being placed on people – it used to be women, but I think now it’s everyone – to have the perfect body.

But I don’t want to write about the body positive movement, this is my blog and today I’m writing about me. I know I need to lose weight because I have slowly but steadily been putting on weight throughout my adult life. I have just crossed in to dangerous territory where regular shop clothes are starting to not fit. Not every where, but there’s a lot of places that I used to shop in and now I avoid those stores because it’s been so long since anything has fit.

I have just crossed in to dangerous territory where regular shop clothes are starting to not fit.

1500508366282.jpg

I also have a lot of clothes in my wardrobe that I want to fit into again.

Another reason that I want to lose weight is my health. I don’t have the energy I used to – I still do everything I want but I know my general health will be improved if I lighten up a bit.

I also – and I hate to admit this – but I found a fucking stretch mark! The horror! All you women out there – especially you mums, this is not a pregnancy stretch mark. This is a, I’ve put weight on and now it’s affecting my body in ways that I don’t want to admit, stretch mark. And no, I’m not a teenager so this is not about my body just growing up. Insert a big long sigh here.

So I’m short, I’m getting older (late thirties) and I know that it will just get harder for me to lose weight.

I see so many friends just set their mind to losing weight, and they do it. 10kgs – sure no problem! 20kgs – yep, I’ve got this! But me, with my not so distant history of binge eating struggles a bit more to lose weight. I’m sure it’s a combination of what’s going on in my head and what I’ve done to my body slash metabolism means that I find it very hard to lose weight.

So getting back to the point of this blog entry. I do have one.

love-08

All you need is love.

This is a fairly new thing for me. I’m not in love, I’m as single as they come. I’m pretty happy too, although the self love thing is what I don’t have much of. But I’m trying to hold on to it. It’s working. I recently read an article about this lovely woman who lost like 100kgs who realised that you can’t create something positive from a place of negativity.

you can’t create something positive from a place of negativity

I’ve been trying to practice some self love and when I do, when I have compassion and kindness and all things nice, it works. I don’t struggle with my eating. I don’t struggle with procrastination. I’m more likely to see the good in other people and in myself.

Looking after myself and eating healthy food and exercising comes a lot easier when I am doing it from a place of kindness and not because I feel like shit. You know what I used to say to myself. I used to say that I sucked at life. That is so harsh. If ever I heard a friend talking like that I would be shocked and tell them how wonderful they are if only they could see themselves how others did.

I used to say that I sucked at life.

I wonder why it’s so hard for some people and not for others? I imagine some people would read this and think I was completely stating the obvious.

So there you go, all you need is love. Love. Love is all you need.

I am more than my social media profile

As you can tell by my last post social media has been on my mind lately. Something I have observed about people in general is that we try to impart our true selves on social media. Not necessarily on one outlet, but across all of them.

trees-759x500.jpg

For example, facebook is for friends and family, instagram is for travel and beauty, snapchat is for for quick fun snaps of my life. I haven’t put too much thought in that. It’s what first popped in to my mind. I guess I can add more layers by thinking about other social media outlets.

I am thinking about what people have assumed about me. A friend asked me recently if I wanted to join her on an ab challenge. One of those 30 day things where you do the same exercise every day to focus on a particular part of your body. I said no. But the way she asked me, it was like she thought I had never done one. I didn’t correct her, and that’s ok that she assumed that. But she made a big deal about putting it on social media and offered to share it with others that were interested.

On the one hand that is what social media is for. But I don’t tend to put that kind of thing on social media. Because I have a thing about dieting and people pushing health and fitness in unhealthy ways, I don’t do it myself.

However on the other hand, it’s almost as if because I have never put that out there in social media land it never existed.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to here it, does it make a sound?

If I go to the gym and I don’t post it on social media, did I go?

I have felt that people make assumptions about me because I don’t put deep and meaningful stuff on social media. I keep it to photos about holidays, my dog and things I like or am interested in, and sometimes causes I am passionate about. But I try not to be preachy – because that annoys me when I see others posting ‘should’ posts. You should or shouldn’t do this…..blah.

Do I make assumptions about people because of their social media presence? Maybe.

Maybe it is a vicious cycle. We feel someone make an assumption about us. To correct it we adjust what and how we post.

We all want to seem like well rounded and well adjusted individuals with fulfilling and healthy lives. But the fact is that social media masks our true lives and our true self. I catch myself posting cute and perfect snaps, or I try to make witty observations about the world around me. But the truth is I am just following the formula of social media.

People often post things about mental health or suicide awareness, and encourage their friends to copy a post. When I have had some tough times a post like that has made zero difference. I wanted to be heard. It was up to me to reach out and I did. But sometimes reaching out and offering a sympathetic ear to a friend is less impressive and a missed opportunity to check in to an awesome venue and show that we’re all having such an awesome time at some awesome event drinking awesome cocktails.

I’m getting a bit sick of the awesome.

I want real.

ROAR-Barbara_Bill-murray.png

The dysfunction of social media

I’ve been thinking lately about how social media is dysfunctional. I know that we all know that, and I’m not thinking about dysfunction in the broader sense, as in the pretense of it all. No, I’m thinking more on the micro level. The nuances between friends. Those little thoughts that cross your minds before you hit like. Or maybe it’s only me.

four-social-media-icons_1045-611.jpg

I have some friends who are generous with their likes and comments and in turn I am generous with my likes and comments. I like the bulk of their posts. Mostly. When I see them anyway. But my point is that nothing crosses my mind before I like a post other than whether I actually like or appreciate the post in some way.

Other friends however….and I mean the complicated friendships. We all have those. Well women do anyway. The ones where you seem to like their posts, but they never ever ever like yours. And you know they are on social media. They post, they are there. There are so many watchers. And no this is not a blog about the different types of social media users.

I guess my point is that social media for me has created a loud speaker for those dysfunctional friendships. Without social media those dysfunctional friendships would be so different. It’s hard to imagine what they would be like. But I imagine ‘like hesitation’ would be replaced by awkwardness over the phone or in person.

Second thinking over an event invitation would be replaced by forced honesty. In the real world when we send invites and ask for an RSVP there is no maybe or interested option. Be a grown up and decide.

The chronic event responder (we all have a friend like that…the one that is interested in way too many events that are humanly possible to even attend) would be replaced by the gig guide clipper. Now it feels like the nineties.gig_guide.jpg

I guess I’m feeling like social media has added a complication to some of my friendships that I am trying to let go of.

Life is too short for complications and ‘like hesitation’.

Like, love, share.

I do love social media, it makes me feel closer to some friends but it can make me very aware of barriers with others.

Here is an old buzz feed video that made me giggle. I know I know, Buzzfeed is so 2013!

Things are looking up

After the funk of the last month,  I’m feeling like I am finally seeing the light at the other side.  I’m really trying to have some self love,  self compassion and self kindness.  It’s tough because I fall into old patterns easily.

Anxiety,  stress,  binge.

Lonely,  binge.

Upset,  binge.

And repeat.

I’m away from home for the next couple of days.  Enjoying sunshine,  slowing down and spending time with friends.

I’ve just spent the last hour at the beach,  soaking up the rays, going for a swim and walking along the beach.

It has really been soul replenishing. I didn’t realise how much I needed that until now.