Oversensitive or insensitive

When someone who is really skinny repeatedly says they are fat in a joking way are they being insensitive or is it me that is being oversensitive?

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A few weeks ago I was away on holidays with a big group of my closest friends. One of them has recently lost a whole heap of weight, maybe 20 kgs or so (44 lbs). She is really proud of herself and I am happy for her.

What I have been struggling with lately is the quantity of social media posts and verbal comments about weight. So many posts show poses wearing old clothes that are now too big, or selfies wearing a bikini, or scales, or food shots. It is never ending. Initially it didn’t bother me, I am happy for my friend. As much as I know that she ate consistently, and worked hard to eat in a way that allowed her to lose weight, we have been friends a long time. And there are times where I saw her lose weight quickly. Me on the other hand, I’ve always struggled with my weight. It’s hard seeing someone do it so effortlessly, although I know I am only seeing it from my point of view.

So all the social media posts, and verbal comments that ‘I’m so fat’ as soon as she eats one meal that’s unhealthy are really starting to get to me. If I was following a celeb on instagram and all they posted about was weight I would quickly unfollow them. I responded to a recent ‘I’m fat’ comment with a ‘you’re not fat’ reply, and I was told that I was being negative because the comment was a joke.

I knew she was joking, but when someone who is really skinny repeatedly says they are fat in a joking way are they being insensitive or is it me that is being oversensitive?

Related articles:

Most of this article resonates with me, except for the environment section: https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/communication-success/201711/24-signs-highly-sensitive-person

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/neuroscience-in-everyday-life/201707/are-you-highly-sensitive-person-should-you-change

https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/highly-sensitive-people-signs-habits_n_4810794

 

 

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My thoughts are controlling me

I’ve been having a problem with negative thoughts lately. I’m not sure what’s going on but they seem to be taking over my mind a lot more than usual. I am not the most positive person, I can be at times, but the thoughts can really brew in my mind and turn over and over until they are so distorted I don’t know what’s real or what my mind has made me see.

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I wish I could be happy, truly happy. Especially when I am around other people. But often that is the time when my thoughts come up the most. Every time I say or do something I analyse every interaction to try to find something negative in what I have said. Like I am trying to hide my inner self and I just put on a happy face to try to fool people. I can feel myself searching for something negative emanating from another person either in their actions or the words in reaction to me.

I want to see the best in people. But the people I know the most, I seem to see more negative things in them. I try not to.

Why is it the people closest to us are the ones that we are harshest on?

This is my first blog post in months. I know I am lucky to even have one person read it, but it doesn’t matter. The process of writing seems to help me deal with troublesome thoughts.

I feel like such an imposter at times. I don’t let the true me out. But I still don’t know who the true me is. Even though I should at my age. I want to be around people but when I am I am not happy. If I am alone too much I am also not happy. I don’t often get invited to do things with other people, but I get sick of being the person who often initiates catch ups with others.

I am sick of the falseness of social media. But I can feel myself playing into that and posting happy selfies and pretty scenery. Fake. Fake Fake.

I am sick of the posts people often share that they will be there for their friends if they are struggling with mental illness or depression or anxiety. But these people never put out a message to see how I am doing. But it’s not like I reach out to them either.

This post makes me sound really depressed. I am feeling a bit depressed today, but usually I am not this bad. Letting some of it out and seeing it written makes it seem real. Which helps me let it go.

 

 

 

For the love of fat

Anyone who has ever read any of my blog entries on this page would know that I have struggled with eating in a balanced, healthy way. I get cravings, I over eat and I emotionally eat. My meals are usually healthy, but snacking is my downfall as is eating at night. For years, it has really been an effort to lose weight. I can lose a kilo or 2, and a couple of years ago I lost 6 kilos. But I quickly put it back on. I can’t remember ever losing more than 6 kilos, instead I have gradually put on weight over the years and a couple of months ago I was the heaviest I have ever been.
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This year I have focused more on mindset and going gently, and about 3 months ago started eating low carb in an effort to lose weight before I turn 40 in a few months. After 2 months of eating low carb, I had lost about 4 kilos and after a friend had huge success with LCHF/keto I decided to ramp things up and give it a go.

The 4 kilos that came off  with moderate low carb, required effort and decent amounts of exercise (I know I know, weight loss is more about food than exercise, but for me it seemed to encourage more consistent weight loss).

Things got really exciting thought when I switched to LCHF/keto and I’ve lost 5 kilos in just under 4 weeks. The process also seemed to be effortless. The switch from moderately low carb to LCHF/keto was easy. I didn’t get the keto flu so many people get, and my food only needed a few tweaks. There are heaps of resources out there and facebook groups for support and food ideas, and I have to say it really is amazing! I always thought that I was one of those people that really struggled losing weight but I think I was doing it all wrong! And I’m not super strict! If I really really feel like it I will have chocolate but I’ll buy a single serve of the darkest chocolate. I also went to a wedding recently and ate everything, carbs and all! But the next day I went right back into it. A lot of people who are into keto would say that is a huge no no and it will throw you out of ketosis, but if I am losing weight and feeling good I don’t care what anyone says I will do what is right for me!

Here are the biggest changes over the last 3 months:

  • Lost 9 kilos in 3 months, with the last 5 eating keto and coming off in under 4 weeks
  • Clothes are looser
  • Energy is more consistent – no afternoon slumps
  • I typically eat 2 meals a day and I no longer snack
  • No more cravings!
  • Mood is more consistent
  • No more achy feet (this is an odd one, I used to get sore feet walking in bare feet but I no longer do. I put it down to the reduced inflammation in my body)
  • Sleeping better (a big one for me!)

For anyone thinking of going keto, I would highly recommend it!

Just remember that you can make it as simple or as complicated as you like! It really doesn’t need to be difficult!

Why is integrity undervalued?

I deal with people everyday. In my personal and professional life. Like everyone I guess.

In the last few months integrity has crossed my mind numerous times. It still completely and utterly astounds me when I come across people with a low moral compass. People who don’t choose to do the right thing. I understand sometimes that choice is difficult, but what about when it is an easy choice? Or what about when the outcome wouldn’t change, regardless of whether you are doing the right thing?

One situation comes to mind in my workplace where someone in a senior position treated me badly. The way they treated me, did not change the outcome. In fact, it had absolutely no impact on the outcome. However, they truly showed their true colours by treating me badly. Their treatment could be seen as subjective and you could say that in their eyes their actions were fine. I really don’t see it like that. That person choose to make things tough for me, they used intimidation and pressure.

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In another situation (one that I wasn’t involved in) and not in the working environment, a person treated someone I know badly. They used intimidation to come out ahead financially. Their tactics didn’t work, but the effort was there to ‘one up’ another person for a financial benefit.

It’s no use getting frustrated about things that are entirely outside of your control. But man, is it frustrating to be forced to deal with someone who doesn’t have good integrity.

I value people who have good integrity, even when the situation is uncomfortable and there is pressure or temptation to do the wrong thing.

I wish integrity came up in conversation more often.

We should talk more about the value of having a good character and good morals, and talk less about superficial things.

I’m going to try.

Does my mood affect my eating or does my eating affect my mood?

I’ve been feeling really good this last week or so.

Exercising regularly, eating well without crazy restriction and very minimal sugar. Whenever I’m on the high road I always wonder how long it is going to last. Work has been going really well, compared to my last job from a few months ago it is awesome.

I am also just in a really good mood. All the time. Which is great, but how long will it last?

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I know this isn’t going to last and I’ve previously posted, I think, about maintaining all these positive things when things stop going well.

I don’t even know how to break down or identify when things start to go down, or even why.

Sometimes I think it’s because I stop exercising, which affects my endorphins which affects my sleep and it starts the downward cycle.

Other times I think it has something to do with my eating. Either eating a lot of processed food or sugar that affects my mood, or maybe it’s more biological than that and affects my gut. I’ve read about the link between gut health and depression. Not that I’m depressed but there is clearly a link there and I wish I knew what came first.

Does my mood affect my eating or does my eating affect my mood?

In all likelihood it is both.

So continuing this path of acceptance and self-love that I talked about in my previous post, I guess all I can do is recognise that I will go up and down. Things are never always going to be great and accepting that is a good thing. I’ve struggled a lot with quite extreme black and white thinking in the past and it’s a tough thought pattern to break.

Onward and upward xx

 

All you need is…

I need to lose weight.

I hate saying that but if I am completely honest with myself it is true.

It feels uncomfortable saying that for so many reasons.

A big reason is that I have spent so much of my adult life beating myself up over everything and body image is huge for me. I have struggled with binge eating which started because of an isolated traumatic experience and a habit formed that I couldn’t let go. It was compounded further by feelings of inadequacy, striving for perfectionism and black and white thinking.

Saying that I need to lose weight also feels uncomfortable because I am so very very supportive of the body positive movement. I am very aware of the pressure being placed on people – it used to be women, but I think now it’s everyone – to have the perfect body.

But I don’t want to write about the body positive movement, this is my blog and today I’m writing about me. I know I need to lose weight because I have slowly but steadily been putting on weight throughout my adult life. I have just crossed in to dangerous territory where regular shop clothes are starting to not fit. Not every where, but there’s a lot of places that I used to shop in and now I avoid those stores because it’s been so long since anything has fit.

I have just crossed in to dangerous territory where regular shop clothes are starting to not fit.

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I also have a lot of clothes in my wardrobe that I want to fit into again.

Another reason that I want to lose weight is my health. I don’t have the energy I used to – I still do everything I want but I know my general health will be improved if I lighten up a bit.

I also – and I hate to admit this – but I found a fucking stretch mark! The horror! All you women out there – especially you mums, this is not a pregnancy stretch mark. This is a, I’ve put weight on and now it’s affecting my body in ways that I don’t want to admit, stretch mark. And no, I’m not a teenager so this is not about my body just growing up. Insert a big long sigh here.

So I’m short, I’m getting older (late thirties) and I know that it will just get harder for me to lose weight.

I see so many friends just set their mind to losing weight, and they do it. 10kgs – sure no problem! 20kgs – yep, I’ve got this! But me, with my not so distant history of binge eating struggles a bit more to lose weight. I’m sure it’s a combination of what’s going on in my head and what I’ve done to my body slash metabolism means that I find it very hard to lose weight.

So getting back to the point of this blog entry. I do have one.

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All you need is love.

This is a fairly new thing for me. I’m not in love, I’m as single as they come. I’m pretty happy too, although the self love thing is what I don’t have much of. But I’m trying to hold on to it. It’s working. I recently read an article about this lovely woman who lost like 100kgs who realised that you can’t create something positive from a place of negativity.

you can’t create something positive from a place of negativity

I’ve been trying to practice some self love and when I do, when I have compassion and kindness and all things nice, it works. I don’t struggle with my eating. I don’t struggle with procrastination. I’m more likely to see the good in other people and in myself.

Looking after myself and eating healthy food and exercising comes a lot easier when I am doing it from a place of kindness and not because I feel like shit. You know what I used to say to myself. I used to say that I sucked at life. That is so harsh. If ever I heard a friend talking like that I would be shocked and tell them how wonderful they are if only they could see themselves how others did.

I used to say that I sucked at life.

I wonder why it’s so hard for some people and not for others? I imagine some people would read this and think I was completely stating the obvious.

So there you go, all you need is love. Love. Love is all you need.

I am more than my social media profile

As you can tell by my last post social media has been on my mind lately. Something I have observed about people in general is that we try to impart our true selves on social media. Not necessarily on one outlet, but across all of them.

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For example, facebook is for friends and family, instagram is for travel and beauty, snapchat is for for quick fun snaps of my life. I haven’t put too much thought in that. It’s what first popped in to my mind. I guess I can add more layers by thinking about other social media outlets.

I am thinking about what people have assumed about me. A friend asked me recently if I wanted to join her on an ab challenge. One of those 30 day things where you do the same exercise every day to focus on a particular part of your body. I said no. But the way she asked me, it was like she thought I had never done one. I didn’t correct her, and that’s ok that she assumed that. But she made a big deal about putting it on social media and offered to share it with others that were interested.

On the one hand that is what social media is for. But I don’t tend to put that kind of thing on social media. Because I have a thing about dieting and people pushing health and fitness in unhealthy ways, I don’t do it myself.

However on the other hand, it’s almost as if because I have never put that out there in social media land it never existed.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to here it, does it make a sound?

If I go to the gym and I don’t post it on social media, did I go?

I have felt that people make assumptions about me because I don’t put deep and meaningful stuff on social media. I keep it to photos about holidays, my dog and things I like or am interested in, and sometimes causes I am passionate about. But I try not to be preachy – because that annoys me when I see others posting ‘should’ posts. You should or shouldn’t do this…..blah.

Do I make assumptions about people because of their social media presence? Maybe.

Maybe it is a vicious cycle. We feel someone make an assumption about us. To correct it we adjust what and how we post.

We all want to seem like well rounded and well adjusted individuals with fulfilling and healthy lives. But the fact is that social media masks our true lives and our true self. I catch myself posting cute and perfect snaps, or I try to make witty observations about the world around me. But the truth is I am just following the formula of social media.

People often post things about mental health or suicide awareness, and encourage their friends to copy a post. When I have had some tough times a post like that has made zero difference. I wanted to be heard. It was up to me to reach out and I did. But sometimes reaching out and offering a sympathetic ear to a friend is less impressive and a missed opportunity to check in to an awesome venue and show that we’re all having such an awesome time at some awesome event drinking awesome cocktails.

I’m getting a bit sick of the awesome.

I want real.

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The dysfunction of social media

I’ve been thinking lately about how social media is dysfunctional. I know that we all know that, and I’m not thinking about dysfunction in the broader sense, as in the pretense of it all. No, I’m thinking more on the micro level. The nuances between friends. Those little thoughts that cross your minds before you hit like. Or maybe it’s only me.

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I have some friends who are generous with their likes and comments and in turn I am generous with my likes and comments. I like the bulk of their posts. Mostly. When I see them anyway. But my point is that nothing crosses my mind before I like a post other than whether I actually like or appreciate the post in some way.

Other friends however….and I mean the complicated friendships. We all have those. Well women do anyway. The ones where you seem to like their posts, but they never ever ever like yours. And you know they are on social media. They post, they are there. There are so many watchers. And no this is not a blog about the different types of social media users.

I guess my point is that social media for me has created a loud speaker for those dysfunctional friendships. Without social media those dysfunctional friendships would be so different. It’s hard to imagine what they would be like. But I imagine ‘like hesitation’ would be replaced by awkwardness over the phone or in person.

Second thinking over an event invitation would be replaced by forced honesty. In the real world when we send invites and ask for an RSVP there is no maybe or interested option. Be a grown up and decide.

The chronic event responder (we all have a friend like that…the one that is interested in way too many events that are humanly possible to even attend) would be replaced by the gig guide clipper. Now it feels like the nineties.gig_guide.jpg

I guess I’m feeling like social media has added a complication to some of my friendships that I am trying to let go of.

Life is too short for complications and ‘like hesitation’.

Like, love, share.

I do love social media, it makes me feel closer to some friends but it can make me very aware of barriers with others.

Here is an old buzz feed video that made me giggle. I know I know, Buzzfeed is so 2013!

Things are looking up

After the funk of the last month,  I’m feeling like I am finally seeing the light at the other side.  I’m really trying to have some self love,  self compassion and self kindness.  It’s tough because I fall into old patterns easily.

Anxiety,  stress,  binge.

Lonely,  binge.

Upset,  binge.

And repeat.

I’m away from home for the next couple of days.  Enjoying sunshine,  slowing down and spending time with friends.

I’ve just spent the last hour at the beach,  soaking up the rays, going for a swim and walking along the beach.

It has really been soul replenishing. I didn’t realise how much I needed that until now.